Top Ten Advantages of Thinning Hair

Hats. I’m not saying- a hat is needed. I’m saying- I can rock the hell out of a hat. Hats look better, more settled and legit. With thinner hair, you can wear a hat like you mean it. Your head is more accessible to the hat therefore you have gained a new accessory. I have always wished I was farsighted so I could pull off that sexy librarian look but this hat thing just fell in my lap!

While we are on accessories…headbands. Thinner hair makes them look sleek, youthful, and athletic. AND, they are functional, how they create that little lift at the crown of your head. I could never wear them without evoking the cowardly lion on a bad hair day. Now, I’m like Katharine Hepburn or one of those awesome women soccer players.

Another advantage- practical jokes. Like scaring the shit out of your hairdresser by not telling her until after she dries your hair and is horrified by the medium animal’s worth of hair on the towel. “Um, did I rub too hard?” But I would NEVER do this because hairdressers deserve to be treated like the Goddesses (and Gods) that they are. Always treat them with respect. That said, if this happened before you had a chance to tell them and you had no idea how bad it would be, it would be hilarious.

Crafts. The hair from just my fitted sheet could be fashioned into a sweet nest. And right there! Already in my bed! I’m pretty sure I just won Pinterest. My long-term project idea is taking the skin from my future tummy tuck and my runaway hair and fashioning a golem. A little mini-me. Or maybe a puppy…I should learn taxidermy. That said, handy tip here, beware of anyone who seems to show TOO much interest in your shed hair, since it could be used for a voodoo doll.

Another handy tip- don’t use your toe to remove your hair from the shower drain and store it in the corner of the stall in order to keep track of how much you are losing. It feels good at first, interesting, like a science experiment. But you will hit a wall when you realize how much you are actually losing. And that curiosity will transform into disgust so quick you will have whiplash. I know. Its so tempting. Stand tall, close your eyes, and trust in your miraculous body. This hair feels like a loss, it feels like an amputation, but I assure you, it is not. You, your body, is vital. It has no need for that which is lifeless. You are metamorphizing. You are living. You are beautiful. Be unafraid.

Straightening and curling and drying- all of a sudden no problem. They say God only gives you what you can handle… I’m getting a new curling iron for the first time in years because its actually fun and gratifying now, not a chore. My skills appear to have improved dramatically but really its just that my arm doesn’t get tired.

Hair part experimentation. How I part my hair has become something I can control rather than just like an act of God or something. I’m no longer at the mercy of my part.

My up-do game is on point. There is just less interference to deal with. Less tucking, less pinning. Do it up tight. Do it up sloppy. Always looks good and my earrings are in full effect.

I have no problem convincing myself to indulge in overpriced salon quality shampoos. When you say “I’m losing my hair”, all questions stop. Justified. Paul Mitchell here I come. I imagine this is because people make assumptions about your health and give you wide berth. I can’t control what people assume, and I’m not about to kick a gift assumer in the mouth. But the truth is, if you are lucky enough to spend time living, you get to experience all kinds of weird shit going down with your body. Hair loss can be the result of cancer treatment, but it can also happen due to shock, surgery, hormonal changes, childbirth, or just plain aging. Its actually not that weird. Whats weird is talking about it. Which is too bad, because I find my openness about these processes and other body and health changes has only garnered me support. Maybe I am just lucky, and surrounded by wonderful people but I think there is something to be said for demystifying quite normal things. It would make us all feel less isolated. And we would all know more things about headbands and parts and whatnot.

I saved the best for last. All my hair can rest on one shoulder all sexy like! I don’t need clips or anything to achieve this look because I’m basically a mermaid now. In case my scaly legs haven’t tipped you off.