Last Updated On December 31, 2019

 

Maybe whales provide the best omens in absentia, their largeness opening space.

 

 

I thought today was going to be chock full o whale wisdom for February. But apparently not. I hope those whales are enjoying their non-performative lifestyles while I am freezing my ass off on this boat!

There are so many birds, especially as we are traveling the interstitial areas before entering the open ocean. We are crawling to avoid creating a wake, so the birds are staying. So many herons! Just living their lives, poking in the muck, multiple crowns rising from the reeds, long legs disappearing into the shallows. Lovely. If I see ONE heron on my pond, I am losing my mind, but for some reason this display doesn’t have the same effect.

One particular cormorant seems to be smiling and waving as we pass. Perched on a dock post, beak agape and flapping its wide open wings- I learn that cormorants, although they are sea birds, don’t have water-resistant feathers so they have to take a moment to air-dry their own. Cormorants- the patron bird saints of self-care.

As I am processing my whale inspired abandonment issues, my confounding disregarding for birds-that-are in anticipation for whales-that-aren’t, and the slightly goofy self-care display of the cormorant, I reflect on my life-long struggle with being (or not being, or awkwardly being) a social creature.

I remember when I first joined Facebook, much later than most people I knew, and after one false start due to complete overwhelm, I clumsily figured it out. Early on I was confronted by an acquaintance about my lack of response to her friend request and my totally sincere answer was, “I didn’t accept because we are not friends.” And then I proceeded to offer a list of friendship criteria that our relationship did not meet just in case she needed evidence. This is possibly the most autistic thing I’ve ever done. I’ve always found these shades of gray slippery and difficult to navigate (and nausea inducing- not unlike being on a whale watching boat). But technology has heightened my confusion AND my sophistication so I am faced currently with an upside-down situation where I seem to have a lot of “fans” but very few actual friends. The fans appreciate that I exist and my friends are interested in me beyond what I represent. What I’m thinking is..I end up throwing crumbs to the crowd, when I could be having a meal with the few. I’m waiting for whales, while the birds are right here. I need to take a cormorant moment.

February Omen Checklist:
-Keep Your Knees Soft
-Stand With Your Feet Shoulder Width Apart
-Purge If Needed
-Dry Your Wings

 

Last Updated On December 31, 2019

 

Maybe whales provide the best omens in absentia, their largeness opening space.

 

I thought today was going to be chock full o whale wisdom for February. But apparently not. I hope those whales are enjoying their non-performative lifestyles while I am freezing my ass off on this boat!

There are so many birds, especially as we are traveling the interstitial areas before entering the open ocean. We are crawling to avoid creating a wake, so the birds are staying. So many herons! Just living their lives, poking in the muck, multiple crowns rising from the reeds, long legs disappearing into the shallows. Lovely. If I see ONE heron on my pond, I am losing my mind, but for some reason this display doesn’t have the same effect.

One particular cormorant seems to be smiling and waving as we pass. Perched on a dock post, beak agape and flapping its wide open wings- I learn that cormorants, although they are sea birds, don’t have water-resistant feathers so they have to take a moment to air-dry their own. Cormorants- the patron bird saints of self-care.

As I am processing my whale inspired abandonment issues, my confounding disregarding for birds-that-are in anticipation for whales-that-aren’t, and the slightly goofy self-care display of the cormorant, I reflect on my life-long struggle with being (or not being, or awkwardly being) a social creature.

I remember when I first joined Facebook, much later than most people I knew, and after one false start due to complete overwhelm, I clumsily figured it out. Early on I was confronted by an acquaintance about my lack of response to her friend request and my totally sincere answer was, “I didn’t accept because we are not friends.” And then I proceeded to offer a list of friendship criteria that our relationship did not meet just in case she needed evidence. This is possibly the most autistic thing I’ve ever done. I’ve always found these shades of gray slippery and difficult to navigate (and nausea inducing- not unlike being on a whale watching boat). But technology has heightened my confusion AND my sophistication so I am faced currently with an upside-down situation where I seem to have a lot of “fans” but very few actual friends. The fans appreciate that I exist and my friends are interested in me beyond what I represent. What I’m thinking is..I end up throwing crumbs to the crowd, when I could be having a meal with the few. I’m waiting for whales, while the birds are right here. I need to take a cormorant moment.

February Omen Checklist:
-Keep Your Knees Soft
-Stand With Your Feet Shoulder Width Apart
-Purge If Needed
-Dry Your Wings

Last Updated On December 31, 2019

Maybe whales provide the best omens in absentia, their largeness opening space.

I thought today was going to be chock full o whale wisdom for February. But apparently not. I hope those whales are enjoying their non-performative lifestyles while I am freezing my ass off on this boat!

There are so many birds, especially as we are traveling the interstitial areas before entering the open ocean. We are crawling to avoid creating a wake, so the birds are staying. So many herons! Just living their lives, poking in the muck, multiple crowns rising from the reeds, long legs disappearing into the shallows. Lovely. If I see ONE heron on my pond, I am losing my mind, but for some reason this display doesn’t have the same effect.

One particular cormorant seems to be smiling and waving as we pass. Perched on a dock post, beak agape and flapping its wide open wings- I learn that cormorants, although they are sea birds, don’t have water-resistant feathers so they have to take a moment to air-dry their own. Cormorants- the patron bird saints of self-care.

As I am processing my whale inspired abandonment issues, my confounding disregarding for birds-that-are in anticipation for whales-that-aren’t, and the slightly goofy self-care display of the cormorant, I reflect on my life-long struggle with being (or not being, or awkwardly being) a social creature.

I remember when I first joined Facebook, much later than most people I knew, and after one false start due to complete overwhelm, I clumsily figured it out. Early on I was confronted by an acquaintance about my lack of response to her friend request and my totally sincere answer was, “I didn’t accept because we are not friends.” And then I proceeded to offer a list of friendship criteria that our relationship did not meet just in case she needed evidence. This is possibly the most autistic thing I’ve ever done. I’ve always found these shades of gray slippery and difficult to navigate (and nausea inducing- not unlike being on a whale watching boat). But technology has heightened my confusion AND my sophistication so I am faced currently with an upside-down situation where I seem to have a lot of “fans” but very few actual friends. The fans appreciate that I exist and my friends are interested in me beyond what I represent. What I’m thinking is..I end up throwing crumbs to the crowd, when I could be having a meal with the few. I’m waiting for whales, while the birds are right here. I need to take a cormorant moment.

February Omen Checklist:
-Keep Your Knees Soft
-Stand With Your Feet Shoulder Width Apart
-Purge If Needed
-Dry Your Wings