Last Updated On December 22, 2014

 

Gunning Hard for A Happy New Year

 

 

Open up another tab for Michele O’Brien‘s blog, Real Is Good because it is real and far better than good.

Can you stand another tale of a privileged, white lady plagued by depression? What is that about, anyway? That we have so much going for us that we can’t help but dig deeper for all the buried excrement? If Abraham Maslow were still among the living (he died the year I was born) he’d be pulling his hair out with all the revisions he’d have to make based on how fucking spoiled we’ve gotten.

The lack of Christmas Spirit I have this year could fill all of the shopping bags and wrapped packages that clog my office. I stop and check in with myself every once in a while to see if it’s there but just needs some coaxing out. it’s not there. Not a spark.

There’s a fire in my fireplace, Prosecco in my glass. Beautiful, contemporary holiday music on my mac book. My tree is looming behind me, it’s baubles and lights placed in clumps and indecipherable patterns by the kids because I didn’t feel like doing it myself. And I’m smoothed out and flat and rubbed to dullness.

Although, in the face of all my gloom, I think things are going to be alright.

I can tell you all right now that what’s different, maybe what’s taking up all my space, is that I’m letting myself be sad, that I’m telling myself I want to get better this time, and I’m letting that news flow down to my depths and out to my edges.

I want to get better. I want to live for real and be happy. And sad. And angry and all at the appropriate times. I know that my pieces are scattered like a million Lego sets spilled across the floor. But I don’t really know how I got here, I mean– there are suspects, but no convictions at this stage and I am beginning to believe that it doesn’t matter “how”, what matters is that it “is” and it’s up to me to make a pretty little house out of those Legos.

My wiring is a mess and with Lily Tomlin at the helm and in charge of my connections, things get a bit tricky in my head. I can’t apologize for myself, but I can do the work to hire a new operator and get a good electrician on the job.

I’ve been trying a few things. It’s a small list but maybe they’ll help you, too:

1. When you’re home with your family, don’t try. And I mean don’t try to be a certain way. Just be. Your people will be fine and you’ll feel relieved.

2. If you can’t do anything, if you’re paralyzed, do what needs to be done, but do it because someone else will be happy if you do it. Now I know this is contrary to what depressed people are told all the time, but for me, If I know that I’ve made someone happy, then I get a bit of the glory, plus I get the thing done.

3. Stock your freezer with frozen food everyone likes, including you.

4. When you do get some motivation, de-clutter something. The effect transfers directly into my brain.

This last one is a weird one and I hesitate to write it down, but who would I be if I held back?

5. If you masturbate, when you come, think of a time in your life that you were really, truly happy. Build a bridge of a positive connection to another positive connection.

And when the guilt and embarrassment consume you because you’re not supposed to be depressed, know that I love you for that moment of raw reality and know that I’m with you.

© Michele O’Brien

Find out more about Michele here: http://www.illuminousflux.com/?page_id=76

 

Last Updated On December 22, 2014

 

Gunning Hard for A Happy New Year

 

Open up another tab for Michele O’Brien‘s blog, Real Is Good because it is real and far better than good.

Can you stand another tale of a privileged, white lady plagued by depression? What is that about, anyway? That we have so much going for us that we can’t help but dig deeper for all the buried excrement? If Abraham Maslow were still among the living (he died the year I was born) he’d be pulling his hair out with all the revisions he’d have to make based on how fucking spoiled we’ve gotten.

The lack of Christmas Spirit I have this year could fill all of the shopping bags and wrapped packages that clog my office. I stop and check in with myself every once in a while to see if it’s there but just needs some coaxing out. it’s not there. Not a spark.

There’s a fire in my fireplace, Prosecco in my glass. Beautiful, contemporary holiday music on my mac book. My tree is looming behind me, it’s baubles and lights placed in clumps and indecipherable patterns by the kids because I didn’t feel like doing it myself. And I’m smoothed out and flat and rubbed to dullness.

Although, in the face of all my gloom, I think things are going to be alright.

I can tell you all right now that what’s different, maybe what’s taking up all my space, is that I’m letting myself be sad, that I’m telling myself I want to get better this time, and I’m letting that news flow down to my depths and out to my edges.

I want to get better. I want to live for real and be happy. And sad. And angry and all at the appropriate times. I know that my pieces are scattered like a million Lego sets spilled across the floor. But I don’t really know how I got here, I mean– there are suspects, but no convictions at this stage and I am beginning to believe that it doesn’t matter “how”, what matters is that it “is” and it’s up to me to make a pretty little house out of those Legos.

My wiring is a mess and with Lily Tomlin at the helm and in charge of my connections, things get a bit tricky in my head. I can’t apologize for myself, but I can do the work to hire a new operator and get a good electrician on the job.

I’ve been trying a few things. It’s a small list but maybe they’ll help you, too:

1. When you’re home with your family, don’t try. And I mean don’t try to be a certain way. Just be. Your people will be fine and you’ll feel relieved.

2. If you can’t do anything, if you’re paralyzed, do what needs to be done, but do it because someone else will be happy if you do it. Now I know this is contrary to what depressed people are told all the time, but for me, If I know that I’ve made someone happy, then I get a bit of the glory, plus I get the thing done.

3. Stock your freezer with frozen food everyone likes, including you.

4. When you do get some motivation, de-clutter something. The effect transfers directly into my brain.

This last one is a weird one and I hesitate to write it down, but who would I be if I held back?

5. If you masturbate, when you come, think of a time in your life that you were really, truly happy. Build a bridge of a positive connection to another positive connection.

And when the guilt and embarrassment consume you because you’re not supposed to be depressed, know that I love you for that moment of raw reality and know that I’m with you.

© Michele O’Brien

Find out more about Michele here: http://www.illuminousflux.com/?page_id=76

Last Updated On December 22, 2014

Gunning Hard for A Happy New Year

Open up another tab for Michele O’Brien‘s blog, Real Is Good because it is real and far better than good.

Can you stand another tale of a privileged, white lady plagued by depression? What is that about, anyway? That we have so much going for us that we can’t help but dig deeper for all the buried excrement? If Abraham Maslow were still among the living (he died the year I was born) he’d be pulling his hair out with all the revisions he’d have to make based on how fucking spoiled we’ve gotten.

The lack of Christmas Spirit I have this year could fill all of the shopping bags and wrapped packages that clog my office. I stop and check in with myself every once in a while to see if it’s there but just needs some coaxing out. it’s not there. Not a spark.

There’s a fire in my fireplace, Prosecco in my glass. Beautiful, contemporary holiday music on my mac book. My tree is looming behind me, it’s baubles and lights placed in clumps and indecipherable patterns by the kids because I didn’t feel like doing it myself. And I’m smoothed out and flat and rubbed to dullness.

Although, in the face of all my gloom, I think things are going to be alright.

I can tell you all right now that what’s different, maybe what’s taking up all my space, is that I’m letting myself be sad, that I’m telling myself I want to get better this time, and I’m letting that news flow down to my depths and out to my edges.

I want to get better. I want to live for real and be happy. And sad. And angry and all at the appropriate times. I know that my pieces are scattered like a million Lego sets spilled across the floor. But I don’t really know how I got here, I mean– there are suspects, but no convictions at this stage and I am beginning to believe that it doesn’t matter “how”, what matters is that it “is” and it’s up to me to make a pretty little house out of those Legos.

My wiring is a mess and with Lily Tomlin at the helm and in charge of my connections, things get a bit tricky in my head. I can’t apologize for myself, but I can do the work to hire a new operator and get a good electrician on the job.

I’ve been trying a few things. It’s a small list but maybe they’ll help you, too:

1. When you’re home with your family, don’t try. And I mean don’t try to be a certain way. Just be. Your people will be fine and you’ll feel relieved.

2. If you can’t do anything, if you’re paralyzed, do what needs to be done, but do it because someone else will be happy if you do it. Now I know this is contrary to what depressed people are told all the time, but for me, If I know that I’ve made someone happy, then I get a bit of the glory, plus I get the thing done.

3. Stock your freezer with frozen food everyone likes, including you.

4. When you do get some motivation, de-clutter something. The effect transfers directly into my brain.

This last one is a weird one and I hesitate to write it down, but who would I be if I held back?

5. If you masturbate, when you come, think of a time in your life that you were really, truly happy. Build a bridge of a positive connection to another positive connection.

And when the guilt and embarrassment consume you because you’re not supposed to be depressed, know that I love you for that moment of raw reality and know that I’m with you.

© Michele O’Brien

Find out more about Michele here: http://www.illuminousflux.com/?page_id=76